Familiar Characteristics

My swimmers and I have what I would call a very special relationship. And by special I mean the kind of thing that only happens when you and a friend continuously try to one up each other with rude remarks. The difficulty is my swimmers give no mercy. Though, their continuing pernicious behavior actually makes us connect better as coach and swimmers. It's strange, and sometimes even kills my self-esteem. I swear they have a bet to see who can make me cry first, but that won't happen. Their behavior will continue. While some may disagree, I don't think this is a bad thing. However, let me give you some context to what I mean.

Their rude remarks started out pretty simple. I walked into the pool one day wearing a thin, light orange hoodie. I love it, but as soon as I walk in all of the swimmers begin to comment about how strange I look—pointing, laughing, even whispering—which isn’t a big surprise since I normally wear shorts and a video game shirt. However, one of the parents even said to me they’re relentless. That’s an understatement. A couple days ago I came to the pool wearing jean pants and a polo as opposed to my regular outfit, which I somehow make Zelda (if you don't know what this is, shame on you) a part of. This is the resulting conversation:

Most comfortable hoodie ever

Swimmer—why are you dressed normal today?

Me—what are you talking about?

Swimmer—you actually have something decent on, not a video game shirt.

Me—so?

Swimmer—were you trying to impress a girl?

Me—no. Sometimes I wear a polo because I want to

Swimmer—okay. You wouldn’t be able to impress a girl anyways.

Making fun of my lack of a significant other seems to be there go to remark. I mean, I understand. If I thought my coach was 9 years older than he actually is (they all think I’m 31 when they first meet me…I do not look that old) I would be stunned if he were not married too. This is especially true for the younger swimmers. So I can see how they think it is strange, but I also think it’s because they question my sexuality, which they continuously try to figure out. For one they think my orange hoodie is a feminine color. It’s not. I also have a briefcase that I bring to the pool. It’s my school bag (my dad’s

It's a briefcase! Just look at the worn out leather

before mine, which is why I started using it) and I keep swimming supplies in there, but either way, they have gotten in the habit of calling it a man purse. I’ve been asked several times where my man purse is when I don’t bring it in. I even had someone ask me if I’d rather have a real purse. Apparently my briefcase means I don’t like women, which I guess is one reason why they ask if I have a girlfriend. That doesn’t really matter though because they ask all of the time. Observe:

Swimmer1—coach Brandon, do you have a girlfriend?

Me—I’m not going to answer that question.

Swimmer1—why?

Swimmer2—he doesn’t have a girlfriend!

Me—hey!

Swimmer1—oh…

Me—why do you ask?

Swimmer1—I was just wondering cause you’re handsome (she’s 9 years old).

Me—thank you!

Swimmer2 bursts into laughter, and I glare at her

Swimmer2—what? You want me to lie?

Me—no, I want you to get in the pool.

Swimmer3—what are you lying about?

Swimmer2—that coach Brandon is handsome.

Swimmer3 looks at me and turns around very slowly

Swimmer2—see? You’ll never get a girlfriend.

For how much my swimmers make fun of me, I can’t really complain too much because I’m equally as rude to them. Sometimes it’s just fun to tease them. Like this following conversation:

A ten year old girl came up to me the other day before practice…

Swimmer—coach, I took the Divergent test!

Me—oh yea? What did you get?

Swimmer—dauntless! Shows me the rubber band bracelet she made (I still don’t know why these are so popular)

Me—really?

Swimmer—yea!

Me—that’s weird. You should be in Huffle Puff.

Swimmer—hey! You’re so mean! She then storms off loudly

I know I would

There was also this instance when I pulled a swimmer out of the pool to talk with him about his breaststroke. He was moving up and down, not forward at all. So I told him he looked like the Lochness Monster. And that time I called a boy a coquette because he was flirting with one of the girls. He still doesn’t know I called him a woman. I also laughed pretty hard with the next scenario:

Swimmer—coach Brandon want to hear a riddle? (Clearly excited)

Me—(sternly) no!

Swimmer—oh…okay.

Me—what is it?

Swimmer—(perks up) what is black, white, and red all over?

Me—a panda I beat up (which I knew to be her favorite animal)?

Swimmer—no! Why would you beat up a panda? They’re so cute!

Me—Sorry, first thing that came to mind. So what is it?

Swimmer—a penguin in a blender! (My favorite animal)

Can I have one as a pet?

As you can see, my swimmers tease me quite a bit, but of course they don’t do so out of sheer malice. They are simply people and like to poke fun at me. Sometimes I even goad them into it. Though, as people say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree; I definitely started the never ending game of poking each other with words. However, this teasing attitude brings us into a closer relationship as swimmer and coach, even if it does crush my ego. Being rude to each other (in a humorous fashion) is similar to making fun of my best friend. I know what I can and can’t say and still know that at the end of the day we’ll still be best friends. It’s the same with my swimmers and me. They know the boundary between being humorous and straight up rude. And even though this post may not make them out to be the best, they show me unbelievable respect (most of the time), which is something that everyone wants, but can’t always get. They have to earn my respect as much as I have to earn theirs. Poking fun at each other is just one way we transfer our respect. It allows us to communicate in a way that creates a more open communication and relationship. This is one of the key characteristics of a successful coach—great communication—and making fun of my swimmers allows me to begin opening that connection.